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Our close companions for more than 20 years, a person who's faced and conquered many obstacles, which I admire. However, she has been constantly caught off guard by people. Her husband left her, and it was a huge shock. Several of close acquaintances vanished at that point, as they were only interested in him. It shocked her. She made increased attention to be my friend, probably grasped better what friendship was.

The Pattern of Disappearance

In the time since, many in her circle have drifted apart and she isn't certain of the reason. Her previous job suddenly changed toward her, although she had been an excellent employee, and she left not understanding the reason for the change.

How Things Stand Now

Lately, we've both stepped back from work so we're spending frequent meetups, however, I feel the part I play in the relationship is as the audience. I introduce subjects but she shifts the talk toward her own topics. In terms of politics, she expresses unyielding views. I attempt to recommend factchecking and alternate views.

She is planning a vacation abroad I know well repeatedly even called home for some time. I tried to share insights, but this was unappreciated. She really only wanted me to confirm her plans. I've just come back from four weeks there and she wants to catch up, but I don't.

Considering the Choices

I don't want to act as a friend that walks away abruptly, yet I doubt she will ever comprehend the impact of her behaviour on my self-esteem. Right now, my state is distancing myself. What's the best step?

Potential Solutions

You could end things abruptly, but it is not often the peaceful resolution we hope for. However, addressing it with the goal of working things out demands strength and openness on both your parts.

Professional advice indicates applying a useful conflict resolution tool:

"Step one involves describing how things go when you talk. Aim for this to be as factual as possible and essentially what a recording device would replay. Next is to express the way it makes you feel. This allows for no dispute on this point. What you feel are your feelings, of course. Finally is to ask how the two of you will alter the interaction between you."

Keep in mind that she also holds perspectives, meaning you must to stay open to hear that. An approach that works is to say your friend:

"Please share your thoughts while I will listen without interrupting for half an hour."

This can be successful to encourage understanding.

Closing Considerations

She may dismiss everything, since certain individuals cling to a deep-seated story: they have a narrative regarding their experiences they won't let go of since their identity is tied to it and it's all they've known. This is difficult when there seems no easy route in such cases, just dead ends. Yet she could at first react defensively and then think your perspective. And should you don't achieve a fix, it will give you closure from having been honest with her.